Hey Love,

Can 36 questions actually lead to love? Well, based on one scientific experiment, they can absolutely create closeness and intimacy between two individuals. As for love, that would be up to the individuals, but these questions can jump start getting to know someone at deeper levels faster than you would imagine! Sometimes referred to as “the 36 questions to fall in love”, this set of questions has been shown to rekindle romance in long-term couples, create connection with strangers, and bridge divides in biased beliefs.

These questions were developed by Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and Elaine Aron, Ph.D, along with their team of researchers. The 36 questions are divided into 3 groups, progressively getting more personal with each group. The combination of self-disclosure, perceived similarities, and being open is what accelerates the process of getting close to someone, even a complete stranger.

This experiment has even been repeated and proven to create closeness between two people. Thousands of strangers who’ve participated, have let down their emotional walls and gained friendships, romance, and even marriages. One example of this, published in the New York Times Modern Love column, is Mandy Len Catron’s essay. Mandy explains her experience with the questions and an acquaintance, she ended up marrying.

The Research

“The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness” study has gone viral a few times under the catchy title of, “36 questions to fall in love”. In 1997, the team published their findings in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin describing a series of experiments in which they asked pairs of strangers (or, in one version of the experiment, pairs of college classmates) to take turns asking one another the questions.

Elaine Aron, “the questions weren't specifically designed to help people fall in love—they're simply about creating closeness.”These 36 questions have been used in many other studies, including some to bring married couples closer together. German researchers used the questions to help distance-learning students feel more connected to other students. Research shows these questions can also build community, as well as decrease bias and discrimination.

The 36 questions:

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

    Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

    Set III

25. Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."

26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Have you tried the 36 questions before or have a story to tell of your experience tying them? Leave your comments below.

Blessings to you!

Namasté.